Lord my heart cries out,
glory to the King
my greatest love in life
i give You everything
Glory, Glory

and my heart cries out for You,
to search my heart.
what ails me now?
for i am deeply troubled.
seek Your face,
my soul.
Your face i will seek Lord.
test my thoughts,
know my anxious thoughts.


that i may stand worthy,
and be called worthy of Your gospel.
i come to You in fear and trembling,
for You are holy,
so holy.

for Your name is holy,
Holy, Lord.

1:18 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

suddenly,
its alr christmas, and the end of the year.
i don't want 2010 to come.
arrest all my fears and doubts.

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
just to take Him at His word

all that happened this year,
(i'm not going to mk any moving speech or sound all emo)
but sighs.
where do i even begin.
i can make no head or tail of whatever that has happend.
just seem to be a really trying year for my heart and my mind.
and Lord,
what faithfulness, and how amazing it is you stand by me all the time.
and how you love me so much.
if it weren't for you, i would have lost my mind.
and you are going to be my sanity for the rest of the year and all that is to come.
the rest of my life probably.
haha definitely the rest of my life.

and i'm at a loss for words.
God, be my everything.




another phase that has come and gone.
oh my dearest 921,
i somehow wish i could see you in my dreams or smth.
haha but im being soo stupid.
hahahahaha it'll prob nv come true.
SYIDA AND SUKMA,
i miss youu)):
i miss running for call bells, and just doing stuff, even though i just get so tired out at the end.

i feel like running now.

Jesus, let me live for you please.

5:40 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

angie's fb post:

never enough.
Yesterday at 11:06pm
wrote this yesterday. its kinda long, heh.

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ive got clinical practicum 2.1 stuff like the reflections to do but i didnt feel like doing them yet.
so i stoned.
and ended up reflecting in my head but not penning my thoughts down.

i was just thinking about how clinicals has been so far.
and got bored.
so i went to find my best friend in the virtual world for some amusement and enlightenment.

the name is google.
i googled something about surviving in nursing school.
and found some blog posts and forums
some of which referred to nursing school as NS, i wonder why hurh hurh.

i wasnt really amused or entertained by what i read, but enlightened and inspired, yes.

decided to collate some and hopefully it'll help, especially for those who may feel like theres nothing we can do or like we did nothing in the ward this first week. or for those who feel like they are dying for various reasons.

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survival tips! not in any particular order.

1. start developing a thick skin and ask a lot of questions. nurses at clinical areas expect you to ask questions so ask until you understand something.

hah i do feel like some irritating bug when i keep asking questions but i guess, if we dont ask, they wont know we dont know and we may never learn. i guess thats what the thick skin is for too, so you arent bothered about being irritating :S

2. jump at any opportunity to do a skill even if you have done it a million times already. you can never practice enough.

this really struck me. coz i admit, i find myself running away from things like diaper changing, bed making and taking of parameters coz im so sian of them alr. but come to think of it, i obviously dont have enough practice because i still have difficulty changing diapers and bed linen at the same time. we nus students struggle with such a basic thing and when the ite students/en/staff nurse/SISTER come to assist us, everything gets done so smoothly and quickly. such a shame.

3. don't pass up opportunities to perform skills. even if you fail at something, your confidence level will be higher just for having tried. you may never get another chance to perform that particular skill again until you start working as a nurse.

i like the second statement. true, its better to try and fail than to not try at all. and when you fail, there are lessons to be learnt from it! and the last sentence struck me again. we know how hard it is to sign off certain skills coz theres just so little opportunity to do it. and i will just die if i have to perform the skill as a staff nurse next time after having performed it like just a few times as a student, omg.

4. learn quickly that there are two ways of doing things: the textbook way and the real world way. you can learn about what NOT to do just as much as you can about WHAT to do. try to understand why things are done and not just how they are done.

true, i know that certain practices as described in textbooks are not practical in reality but im still trying to fully accept this. hah the idealistic part of me still refuses to accept that certain things cannot be the way they should be. but hm, important thing is that the basic principle is still there i guess. ohwells hah.

5. make yourself useful to nurses. when you clean patients up, run errands, etc... you win them over and free time up for them to spend helping you learn.

6. accept that you will be stressed and fatigue. this is how nursing school is, and how nursing is as well. accept that you will never know it all and it certainly will not help to act like you do.

hahah accepted, before i even entered nursing haha. and far from knowing it all man. but i cant say that its because im just a student..

7. never say i'm just a student. be proud of what you are doing because not everyone can do it. not everyone is cut out to be a nurse so this is where you find out if you are or not. no shame in moving on if you find out you are not cut out to be one.

8. nursing school is difficult but doable! never give up, believe in yourself. nursing school is an experience that will never come again so have fun with the learning and don't be afraid to be goofy and light hearted.

9. eat healthily and try to find time to exersise. get as much sleep as possible.

haha actually i think no need to find more time to exercise. our legs definitely get the work out walking and standing for 8 hours straight. arms get it from lifting and turning patients. and we do literally sweat in the wards! hah.. and sleep as much as possible? thats what day offs are for mans haha.

10. try to have one or two people in your class who you can really count one, someone who you can call any time of the day or night and just vent, someone who you feel comfortable around. besides your friends in nursing school and other nurses, no one else understands what you're going through. and really, who else will gladly hear your stories about sputum, urine and bowels? but at the same time, don't become too emotionally dependent on them.

:) im around if anyone needs a venting avenue! and thank you to those who listened to my vents heh. and true, i think no one really understands what we are going through except those who go through it with us :)

11. you need dedication. and passion.

***end.

and i find myself falling from grace.
and losing myself once again.
but You hold me.
and remind me of your great love.
even as Christmas draws near.
and i just wonder to myself again.

desperate for a vacation.
a run-away from here.
let me just finish this week.
five days.
and let me not see any more cute guys.
it just makes me depressed to know he's flown back to jakarta.
and he doesn't even know my name.
HAHA.

i can so imagine afew ppl chiding me.

and i lost my matric card.
can't believe it.
how dumb can i get.

am i getting lazy or what.

-wrings my hair in fury and utter despair-

God, i need you more than ever.

oh how strong the power of Jesus name
it is stronger than any other name
His grace has welcomed the sinner home
tender mercies lead me to His throne

Hallelujah! what a Saviour!
i owe everything to Him!
Hallelujah! what a Saviour!
Hallelujah to my King!



i will cling to the old rugged cross.

11:01 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

talking and yelling and screaming without words.
unheard thoughts and cryings.
inability to breathe amidst the struggles.
accusations that are true and cut straight into the heart.
jokes and laughter that hurt.
piercings and scraping of the skin.
writhe in dreams and nightmares.
unrestrained emotions.

my righteousness are but filthy rags.
you throw accusations out again and again.
you do not know how much it hurts.
i hate you.
and i hate you.
why won't you die.
and leave me alone?

be whipped.
scourged.
lashed.
slapped.
mocked.
sneered.
jeered.

i wish i could do that a hundered times over.

and after some sleep tonight,
i would wake up and not feel any of these any longer
and think to myself.
it's all just a bad dream.
it never happened.

"do not let the sun go down with your anger; you are giving a foothold to the devil."

help me.
i do not know what else to do.
the sun has gone down a long time ago.
i only think of unread thoughts to solve these.
and they shame me.
i'm not worthy to be called.

did i ask for a breaking again?
did i pray for humility?
seek for Christ to love and change this wretched soul?


please,

Labels: hold me now

10:58 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

my cousin's getting married!
how exciting!
and she's putting this smurf on her car. my mum sewed its wedding gown. so pretty.




and it's back to the wards and meeting patients and getting the opportunity to share God's love once again(:

though its going to be so tiring.

God, be my everything.

thank you for seeing me through my exams

1:52 AM

Just as I Am, Without One Plea
By: Charlotte Elliott
Just as I am, without one plea
But that thy blood was shed for me
And that thou bidd’st me come to thee
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need, in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just a I am; thy love unknown
Has broken every barrier down;
Now to be thine, yea, thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

12:50 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

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all the brothers and sisters

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of old.

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credits.

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wonderful people

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